What Matters to Me?
On clarifying for our values & purpose
I was recently interviewed by Carter May on his podcast How High Can You Jump? We had a wonderful conversation, which I encourage you to check out here! In preparation, Carter sent me several questions about the themes I covered in my book. We didn’t discuss them all in the podcast, so I’ll be answering them over the next few weeks.
Carter’s Question: If someone feels lost or unsure of what really matters to them, what kinds of questions can they ask themselves to gain clarity on their values and purpose?
Dear resident,
When I wrote Discover What Matters, I shared personal stories about the people and experiences that taught me what I value and how I want to live out these values. I hope my stories inspired readers who resonated with these discoveries. But I also emphasized that we must each answer this question—what matters to me?—for ourselves.
When we realize what matters to us, we can live with deep purpose.
Now, where do we start? How can we begin sifting through our life experiences to define our values and maybe even discover our purpose? I would love to share a few mindsets that have been helpful for me and may be a good springboard for you. Discovering what matters to us is a lifelong journey, but college is a wonderful time to start!
First, New York Times columnist David Brooks distinguishes between resume and eulogy virtues. He describes resume virtues as the skills we bring to the workplace and eulogy virtues as the qualities that will be remembered at our funerals. He points out that we often spend more time building our resume virtues despite knowing that our eulogy virtues are ultimately more important.
Even though we are young and may not think much about the end of our lives, it is wise to ask ourselves, What do I want to be remembered for?
Second, you can also think about the people you admire—not just for their external achievements but also for how they treat people. What qualities do they exhibit and which values do you resonate most with?
When I think of the people I admire and want to emulate, here are some thoughts that come to mind: they value personal relationships over popularity, hard work and discipline over instant gratification, meaningful experiences over a curated life, and intentional generosity over the accumulation of “stuff.” Something deep inside me resonates with these values that I see in others—and I know they will guide me as I make small and big decisions.
Third, I will share a framework created by Father Michael Himes, a beloved BC theology professor who passed away a few years ago. He came up with the 3 Key Questions to help students discern their vocation:
What brings you joy?
What are you good at?
Who does the world need you to be?
These questions can help us decide what career path to follow, but they can also help us find purpose in our everyday lives. Reflecting on engagements I pursued over the last several years, I know many fit at this intersection.
When I was a resident assistant (RA), I genuinely enjoyed my role, felt well-equipped to fulfill my responsibilities, and found purpose in helping my residents navigate this unique transition. When I wrote my book, I loved writing meaningful words, the writing process came naturally to me, and I knew I could encourage readers with my words. When you find something that fits into each of these categories, pay attention. This is a special gift.
I hope these three mindsets will give you some direction as you reflect on your values and purpose. They may change throughout your life, but I suspect many will stand the test of time.
With joy,
Elizabeth, Your RA